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Mark e Merrill born march 21, 1967 dover, nh. early years spent in lakes region of central new hampshire.

1989 relocated to san franciso, attended art school, externalized my sexual preference and then returned to the new england in 1995.

Late 1998 began painting after a six year hiatus.

Since that time have created a number of substantial works. Egyptian ritual as well as other pagan, greek - roman mythology has lead me to a style of narrative abstractionism.

I presently live with my lover David fairbanks Ford the creator and curator of the main street museum of art located in white river junction, vermont where I spend my time furthering the course of my pursuits.

Exercise in Futility

INTACCC Corporate Nothingness. operating in the guise of un-reality. producing nothing. No Export. No Product. No Placement.

Offering absolutely nothing, Not simply meaninglessness, but a highly complex strain of da da.

Networks of emotionless need, desireless philosophy, dreamless dream.

"here and now"

Corporate ideology of resistance that nothing can exist or exists in equilibrium. No 'truest-state' or 'purest-form' the thing is the thing itself. good or better, or right or worse. Science in it's non-existent art, east or west... perception in its distorted form.

what is it? why is it? who knows?? why know ???

!Collective Un-CONSCIENCE!

The One That Isn't. Un-differentiated tissue.

Perhaps you've already seen all this before... Perhaps you haven't. Perhaps you've already read, seen, heard, done this all before..? THE DOCUMENTARY [has already] begins now. Form and Formlessnes plus whatever else comes-all over you..

[ccc]entral image is representation. image. memory. constantly shifting value of form, dynamic, idea. 

every person, then, is many persons; a multitiude made into one person; a corporate body; incorporated, a corporation. A corporation sole...

The unity of the person is a real, or unreal, as the unity of the corporation.**

Plus it's all in your mind...

ever hang with actors? They're such vile creatures... "so.. what's your dig?? Your angle??? Whats our point of view?? Your perspective? Your point of reference?? What tunes you in???

When's a good time to drop out???"

"What dignifies the yogic pratic is that the belief system itself is not truly religious. There is no Buddhist god pe se. It is the self, the individual Mind, that contains immortality and ultimate truth. ...it's a form of human energy."

"Our atoms are six-billion years old, we've got six-billion years of memory in our minds, memory is energy, it doesnt disapear, it's still in there. I'm telling you there's a physiological pathway to our earlier consciousnesses, and I'm telling you it's somewhere in the goddamned limbic system."

"Whats waco about it? I'm a man in sesrch of his true self. How archetypically American can you get? Everybody's looking for his true self. We're all trying to fulfill ourselves, understand ourselves, get in touch with ourselves, get ahold of ourselves, face the reality of ourselves, explore ourselves, expand ourselves. Ever since we got rid of God, we've got nothing but ourselves to explain the this meaningless horror of life."

"Well, i think the true self, that original self, that first self, is a real, measurable, quantifiable thing, tangible and incarnate, And I'm going to find the fucker."

-jessup singer

"I'm not a slave to a god who doesn't exist, I'm not a slave to a world that doesn't give a shit."***

!Collective Un-CONSCIENCE!^

The One That Isn't. Un-differentiated tissue.

Perhaps you've already seen all this before... Perhaps you haven't. Perhaps you've already read, seen, heard, done this all before..? THE DOCUMENTARY [has already] begins now. Form and Formlessness plus whatever else comes-all over you...

Extrude Expend Utilize

INTACCC, Watching you watch the World...

<we> have a new type of rule now, not one man rule or rule of aristocracy or plutocracy, but of small groups elevated to positions of absolute power by random pressures and subject to political and economic factors that leave little room for decision. they are representatives of abstract forces who have reached power through surrender of self. the iron willed dictators is a thing of the past...

the rulers of this most insecure of all worlds are rulers by accident. inept frightened pilots at the controls of a vast machine they can not understand, calling in experts to tell them which buttons to push.

-william burroughs

03.06.01

what is this responsibility thing that keeps coming up? i think what i'm referring to is more about a value system. one of my first memorys of san francisco is "what do you value" stenciled in green paint all over north beach.

a personal value is a responsibility to ones self. the solitary act of 'responsibility' 'being responsible' is a vague, meaningless notion that you hear so often. it is vague and meanigless because it implies nothing that one could be responsible to or for.

i guess what i'm sensing is this innate programming left over from the 'christian school' days. (one trait i proudly share with marilyn manson). i,m also very concerned about my breath. i dont think i breath right. an emotional coil.

01.05.01

Writing is such a task. it all has to go somewhere, so i usue === it as an art. started with the hygroglyphics today.

12.02.00

The issue of truth often comes-up in daily conversation, situations and with interactions between people. One of the most ingenious inventions of human-kind is the lie. Knowing what truth is is more than a subjective realization, yet how do we know when someone is being completely honest with you. Completely is a major key word here as honesty seems to be a complete concept, but there are parts and segments of being 'honest'.

The Truth i seek to know is personal. What i choose to keep for my-self, is just that. My relation-ships in the world must be as clear and precise as they can be, less i loose a sense of 'who i am'.

MEM 10.31.00

All anyone can do to limit themselves is just that. This then becomes, in my mind, the issue of entitlement. [which is that whole ego-thing] whether one is to 'have' or 'not' is ones own question. What 'having' is is another definition entirely; but closely remnant of the issue i began talking about, limitation. language is limitation. 'being lost for words' is a good example of a languages paradox. Language is prejudice, as is shear definition, being that one-thing is-and not of another. Language is art, like a finely crafted still. There are some good filmmakers i know and some that i would like to meet and create an imazing independent feature film with. The script is always dangling in my head at any one given moment...

The self-is a fragile thing, prone to miscommunication, mis-understanding, and the list can and does go on... right into that-one-dimensional point of irresistibility; responsibility: of actions; words; in-action; consequence; and as a dear friend once would have said, "the whole tamale". It's whatever you want. Its whatever you want it to be. Its what ever-is-now.

MEM 09.20.00

Ultimately, I am responsible for every image I create, every word I speak. The picture like the spoken or written language is equally as apt, if not a superior means of relating meaning, metaphor, subtleties of expression, desire, pain, hunger. These expressions are often better left unsaid in polite conversation, however. Can we ever truly see behind the context of situation? The ruling "I" always remains as subtext, contextualizing, relating each situation to an ultimate personal experience. I can not look behind your eyes unless you see the same thing as I, yet how do we know we are seeing the same thing? More than not the "I" is well aware of the inverse.

Responsibility is not ultimate. Cause and effect cease to effectively influence entropy. Relativity is not always relative. Time not always linear. To be truly alone one must cease to contemplate the picture yet only after it has been sufficiently contemplated.

MEM 06.22.00

There is a perfect moment within a painting: a moment when all elements converge in one specific time/space. The work becomes harmonious with itself as well as with it's environment and the painter who brings it's aesthetic life into being. I have been painting seriously now for just more than a year and a half since my introduction to the craft ten years ago in San Francisco. I am fortunate to have the influence of many 'bright' artistic beings of whom I am solely indebted for their constant inspiration, support and kindness; which transcends a mere "thank you" and in turn becomes true impetus. The choice to paint becomes increasingly determinate. The "idea" of painting becomes more paradoxical, illusive but necessary.

I remember vividly the first lecture in art theory: "how to market your self as an artist" being a young new artist in a fresh new city, hungry for experience and intensity, that seemed to be of least particular interest. Now that reality seems just as perplexing.. My desire to paint is spawned by my desire to create and live creatively in my immediate environment.

The past year has afforded me to reacquaint myself with the task of painting, to see exactly "what comes out" after re-approaching the canvas. My life as my art is freer and more demanding than it ever has been. Demanding because it relies on my sole intention and motivation to further shape its destiny. Freer because essentially, my time is my own, a concept it has not always been. I find this most challenging as well as an un-bequeathable blessing.

The perfect moment I mention in painting when it happens unexpectedly - there you are - face to face with your labor, your intensity, your metaphysics, your nebulas future, your un-mutable past all there for your, mine and as well as everyone else's aesthetic inspection.

It is the eye of the storm as well as the eye of the beholder, the center of the moon, the moment; clear and buoyant. This moment is likely to happen only once in a painting but it is often reoccurring and just as likely to happen before the painting is finished. It may be highly illusive leaving the me with only an "idea of" if it has or actually will happen; but mostly, I know when its there.

This of course leads to other philosophical issues like "what comes after a perfect moment" and "when is a painting finished."

My art is a summation of history and knowledge as viewed from my inner being. A clear visual picture of what history is, is what I fear I lack the most. There are too many gaps my culture has left, it has not provided me with enough history of knowledge, a knowledge that wakes up every morning and sees that long road back. Yet even in this self admitting lack of knowledge, I do not disavow my philosophy. I paint what I know. This is my struggle.